Two of my favorite bloggers have talked about this same issue of...insecurity and confidence this past week and Andrea over at Can You Stay for Dinner? really hit a chord with me. One of her posts said "Does it really matter if I reveal my height, weight, race, gender...etc?" and then she said them. She. Said. Them. Who reveals information like that? She did. She is so brave to me.
It is so easy for me to think that I don't care about what I look like, or that my nose is too big, or that my hair isn't smooth enough, etc...but it's so much harder to actually NOT care. For so long I wanted so badly to be perfect, to be small, petite, little, toned, tight, tan, long, lean, itty-bitty and....fake. None of those things are who I am.
For the first time in a long time, today, I felt truly at peace with myself. I was driving in my car with music on, sun shining on my face, and smiling. Wearing only shorty shorts and a tank top, I wasn't worried about the winter weight I still haven't lost, my un-toned calves or lack of a 6 pack. My hair was blowing in the wind and that was okay. It's all okay.
A few days ago I was thinking to myself about all of my imperfections...and my flaws. My character weaknesses and problems. I thought "I could see why nobody would want to be with me. It would be hard." and then I remembered that...I am enough. Being smaller won't make someone love me. Hours at the gym won't make people appreciate me. A better butt won't make me prettier. And if someone couldn't be with me unless I was those things....then I don't want to be with them. I don't NEED to be with them. Because I am enough.
5' 2''. Female. White/Caucasian/Mexican/Native American/Irish/English/Scottish. 150#. Size 10. 8.5 shoe. Brunette.
The world will not be nicer to me if I am anything different than that above. Life will not go differently. People will not love me more or less. That is enough...I am enough.